Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
