I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have fence marks all over my body
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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