You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
