I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
