Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
