Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
