ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
