So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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