dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
