There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
