I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
