We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
