I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
