Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
