i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
