Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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