Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
