fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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