We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
