Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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