Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
