my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
