i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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