He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
