Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
