And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
