So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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