I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
