i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
