Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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