You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
