It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
