Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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