even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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