If that was your dad, he is hot
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
