my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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