dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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