i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
