Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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