he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
