maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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