Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
