i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
