She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
