Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
