I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Randomize
