OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
