i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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