He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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