I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
