It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
