My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
