textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize