East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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