Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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