I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
