i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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