How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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