I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
