Plan B is the new Plan A
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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