If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
