So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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