I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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