They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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