yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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