hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
