I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
