I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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