I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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