I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
