Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
