Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
