i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
