not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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