i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize