Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
